O I am Fortune's Fool!

Last night, my sweet little Frankie was hit by a car and killed in the street right in front of my house. With the help of a kind neighbor, I buried him last night in our front flower bed (as it was too dark to do it elsewhere and when the flowers come in, it'll be very pretty) and today I'm going to paint his name and dates on a stone for a little marker.

After describing his fatal injuries to a vet, I was reassured that it is highly unlikely he even felt it, let alone suffered. I still have a very difficult time forgiving myself for allowing this tragedy to happen, but I know that time heals all wounds, and though he will never be forgotten, I know this will get easier as time goes on. This is my first experience with death in a personal way. I've known of others that have passed away, but after taking a minute to reflect about them and how they related with me, it was easy to move on. This is... so different. Probably because he was such an integral part of my daily life, that I invested so much in him, time and money and care, that I nurtured him and loved him.  My grief right now is what I imagined feeling if one of my children or parents were to pass. It's amazing how far into my heart he wriggled his little self in the short 7 months I had him. I miss his little sassy face.

He wasn't a part of my life for very long, but just like a child, I don't remember what life was like before he was in it, nor can I imagine a life without him in it. Even though I'm not one to put pets (or animals generally) on the same level as people, he really was my baby - completely unconditional in his love and affection for me - and even being away from him for school, or whatever, I missed him and couldn't wait to come home to see him and be with him again. Of course he was no saintly dog - we were on the verge of a housebreaking break-through! - but his little life revolved around me, and I loved him to pieces. It's really difficult to know that he's really gone - forever. There will never be another Frankie. But, I am glad that I had a Frankie for the time that I did.

The End of an Idyllic Week

This last week was Spring Break for me. No tests to take or study for, no projects to complete and turn in, no clinicals to slave through, no driving out to South Jordan two times and sitting through three lectures. Instead, I had a plethora of straightening and de-cluttering that was *MY* joy and privilege to do.  And did I ever succeed! My house went from needing a match thrown at it to being probably in the best, functional shape it's ever been.  I still have work to do in the basement, but that doesn't interfere with our day-to-day living so I can take care of that easier knowing my living space is taken care of.

Thanks to LivingSocial, I was able to purchase 4-hours of cleaning service for $50! So, my goal this week was to get everything in our home taken care of so that it COULD be cleaned. I'll still vacuum and dust, but the deep stuff I'm going to leave for the cleaning peeps WHICH I'm going to use the week I graduate from school since a) I won't have time or energy for and b) I have peeps coming to visit me and so using it then would be PERFECT and c) if I used it now, my house would need cleaning again just when I don't have the a or b for it lol! So now I feel like I can really concentrate on school stuff since I don't have this chaotic environment distracting me all the time. Plus, finding stuff when I want it is always a bonus ;)

Beware the Ides of March!

Ok, so in the 3 1/2 weeks it's been since I've posted an update ---- well, I guess that about explains WHY I haven't posted an update! LOL there's been nothing going on! Well, other than killer clinical hours (why did I sign up for additional clinical hours?? there was a good reason, I know it!), tests out the wazoo, a house to get cleaned up (ironically, in preparation for graduation, which I may not get to if I keep spending time cleaning rather than studying hahaha j/k), ferrying children about for one thing or another, and blah blah blah. Enough complaining. I'm grateful for all this stuff to do. It means I'm getting somewhere.

I hope?